I recently heard about the show “Marriage or Mortgage” and was angry at the whole concept without even watching it.
While I understand that a large majority of couples are looking to get married and/or buy a house together (which means they will have a lot of people that are able to either be on the show or relate to it), it promotes making a huge sacrifice.
I don’t like accepting the idea of sacrificing something you prioritize.
I’m not saying there’s zero sacrifice in personal finance or budgeting. I also understand that it’s tough to afford both a large wedding and a decent down payment all at once.
However, with the proper planning and budgeting, I do think it doesn’t have to come down to choosing one or the other.
Looking at my financial journey, I was able to buy a house and spend a decent chunk of money on a wedding just a year and a half later.
At the end of 2014, I was 23 years old. My boyfriend (now husband) was still in college and I was living with my dog and two roommates. I had been working full-time for about a year and a half. My rent was pretty cheap, but I was juggling working full-time, exercising and caring for a very hyper husky pup, going to grad school part-time, and maintaining a long distance relationship. While at the time, my partner was not planning ahead, I knew that I wanted a yard for my dog. I’d been budgeting and saving as much as I could.
Fortunately, I had the privilege of my parents paying for the majority of my tuition, but I also really focused on budgeting as soon as I started working full-time. While I wouldn’t say I felt as though I was sacrificing a ton, I also was so busy between work and school that I didn’t have much time for too many things such as trips, going out, etc. Sure, I could have ordered take out a lot more, but it wasn’t worth it to me.
I started scoping options to buy a house.
I could have instead found a house to rent, but it wasn’t a great option for several reasons. First of all, I have a husky (now two) and they need 6-foot fences, which are rare to find in a rental property. Also, the rentals in my area with a yard were VERY expensive. While I definitely agree that renting can be the best option financially for a lot of people, I truly believe that the amount of extra money I’d be throwing towards rent to rent a house would have balanced out the amount of money I pay to maintain my house.
Yes, there was a down payment required, but that was a price I was happy to pay to have stability, a yard where I could put the fence I wanted, and a place I could make changes as I wanted. It is a very personal decision and like I said, if it weren’t for my dogs, it probably wouldn’t have been the best financial decision, so definitely consider your reasoning and fully understand your situation before making a decision as to whether or not it makes sense to buy.
Anyways, I almost bought a foreclosure at the end of 2014/beginning of 2015, but it didn’t work out. That’s a long story for another day. I didn’t want to rush the process, so I just kept waiting for the right place to pop up. Once it did, I acted fast… SO FAST. I saw the place within a couple hours of it being listed and put an offer in by midnight. Because there was going to be an open house (which I knew would have likely turned into a bidding war) and the price was already at the top of my price range, I had my realtor speak with the listing agent and I ended up making a full price offer and didn’t ask for any help with closing costs.
I essentially drained a large portion of my savings, so I knew I’d need to buckle down to start beefing up my account again.
I knew someday I’d get married, but didn’t necessarily know how much I’d need, when it would happen, etc. Six months after moving into my house, we got engaged. My fiance (now husband) had recently graduated and was moving home to live with his parents. Once again, I was in a privileged position where my parents agreed to pay the venue fee for our wedding. While I was BEYOND grateful for this, I also knew that meant we still had a lot of other things to consider… DJ, photographer (engagement photos and wedding day), gifts, officiant, attire, save-the-dates, invitations, hair, make-up, shoes, honeymoon, and so many other random things. Thankfully, I’d already been doing a bomb job with budgeting since becoming a homeowner, but there were so many other things to consider.
My fiance and I had not been on the same page financially since we were in two very different situations (working full-time and homeowner vs. recent college grad living at home and working part-time), but we knew we could make it work. My fiance also had student loans and a car that constantly needed work. We started mapping out how we could afford everything we wanted to within the year and guess what?! We made it happen.
My husband found a full-time job and moved in with me in early 2016. We worked out a budget to make the wedding affordable. We ended up having some bumps in the road… My fiance ended up getting a new car right around the time we moved in together and we decided to also get another dog! We got married in September of 2016. Almost exactly a year and a half after I bought the house.
While I fully acknowledge that I was wildly privileged in that my parents REALLY helped me out with college and a large portion of the wedding, I will also acknowledge that I saved tens of thousands of dollars to put towards college, my house, and my wedding.
Everyone is on a different timeline and has a different set of cards dealt to them. I am very grateful for mine. However, I also worked my ass off along the way. To this day, I still believe that while personal finance does involve some sort of sacrifice, it is not the MAJOR sacrifices that many often think… Looking at my current situation, I still:
- Buy my occasional coffee on-the-go while maintaining a healthy budget
- Am building up a six month emergency fund while going on fun dates
- Am paying off debt (husband’s loans) while going on fun vacations